


The Walls Are Coming Down

by visionshadows



Series: Her Journey Bright and Pure [11]
Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Coming Out, F/M, Gender Dysphoria, Gender Issues, Geno is awesome, M/M, Other, Transgender
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-01
Updated: 2013-07-01
Packaged: 2017-12-16 17:30:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/864708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/visionshadows/pseuds/visionshadows
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sidney comes out. Geno finds out he was right all along.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Walls Are Coming Down

Sidney swept lip gloss over her lips with her finger, leaning in so she could see better. Taylor had shown her a few things. She was still mostly inept at putting on makeup to make her seem more feminine, but she was okay at highlighting the apples of her cheeks and lining her eyes. 

And she liked the lip gloss she bought when Taylor was here. It was just a bare hint of red instead of the usual red lipstick she liked to wear. She had been wearing it when Geno got back from Russia yesterday, his expression tired and the surgical scars on his knee still red and obvious against his skin. 

Geno had smiled though, bright and happy when he saw her, setting his bags down in the foyer of his house. Jeffrey was barking like mad, circling Geno until Geno sat down to pull him close and hug him. 

“Dog first,” Geno had apologized. “He get anxious and pee if we not careful.”

“I know,” Sidney said dryly. “He pees a lot.”

“He getting old." Geno sighed, pressing a kiss to Jeffrey’s wrinkled head. He clambered off the floor and walked over to her, still smiling. 

“Missed you.” Geno trailed a hand down her arm gently, before tangling their fingers together. “Can I hug?”

“Of course. Even if you are covered in slobber and dog fur now,” Sidney said with a laugh, wrapping her arms around him. Geno hugged her tightly, lifting her off the ground briefly. “I missed you too.”

“Pretty,” Geno said, touching her jaw with his thumb. “Missed seeing pretty Sidney.”

Sidney flushed now just thinking about it. She stepped back and looked at herself in the mirror. There wasn’t much she could do with her hair. It was too long and curling around her ears and along her neck. She ran her fingers through it before leaving and going back downstairs. 

“Do you need any help?” asked Sidney when she went into the kitchen. Geno was cooking something, stirring a pot on the stove. 

“I good.” Geno put down the spoon and motioned for Sidney to come over to the table. There were three books sitting there. “I do some reading when home. Don’t need to say. Just want to make sure I’m reading right books.”

Sidney sat down and pulled the books over, her heart pounding. They were all in Russian, but Geno had painstakingly written out the titles in English for her and taped them on the books. 

The first book was about asexuality and she shook her head, setting it aside. The second book was about sexual dysfunction which was kind of right but mostly not. The last book though was about gender identity disorder. 

Sidney swallowed thickly, running a hand over the cover. There were little yellow tags sticking out from the pages and she had a feeling Geno had read this one more than once. She bit her lip and handed it over to him. 

“This one. Pamela officially diagnosed me in June. I am transsexual.” 

Geno reached for her hand and she clutched at it tightly. “Who else know?”

“Taylor. And now you.” Sidney exhaled slowly, feeling almost giddy. “I can’t believe you know.”

Geno pulled her forward into a hug, holding her as fine tremors shook her body. Adrenaline was running through her and she was shaking and giddy and so happy that Geno knew. She was going to tell him soon anyway, just wasn’t sure how to do it. But he already knew and he’d been reading about it. Like so many other things, Geno made it easy on her.

“I start to suspect but not sure which. Read all three, decide first two not likely. Find more to read after that. Have lots of books.” Geno pulled back to look at her. “Still Sidney to me. Just more.”

Sidney kept smiling, just staring at him as the adrenaline slowly began to fade away. “You read books about me.”

Geno furrowed his brow. “Of course. You hurting inside. Need to know about you to help.”

Sidney threw her arms around his neck and kissed him like she had been thinking about for months. Geno’s hands went to her waist, holding her carefully. He kissed her back, his tongue sweeping into her mouth and she let out a little sigh of happiness. 

Geno licked his lips, smiling. “Lip gloss taste good.”

“It’s vanilla flavored,” Sidney laughed. “I’ve wanted to do that for months.”

“Years for me,” Geno confessed, squeezing her hip. “Thank you.”

“I want to do it again,” said Sidney boldly. 

“My pretty Sidney.” Geno leaned in and kissed her again, softer this time. “You tell me how to help, I help. No being alone.”

“I will,” Sidney promised, leaning her head on Geno’s shoulder. He shifted in the chair so he could move a little closer, tucking her against his side. “Years?”

“Years,” Geno confirmed. “First time I saw, wanted to kiss.”

"Me too. I stopped though. I don't like feeling sexual much. It's confusing," Sidney bit her lip. "I can't really do much. Physically."

"Too much today to think about. We eat soup, watch movie. Call Pamela tomorrow and make appointment for me." Geno pressed a kiss to her hair. "I stir soup."

Sidney watched him walk back over to the stove. She pulled the book back over, flipping through the pages. All of Geno’s notes were in Russian so she didn’t understand them either. He had very carefully highlighted sections as well.

“I read about transitioning,” Geno said cautiously. “Surgery and hormone.”

“Not while I’m playing hockey,” murmured Sidney, still flipping through the pages. “But maybe someday.”

“After today we move to your home. Easier there for you. Jeffery and Dixi will like fine,” Geno said firmly. “My home empty.”

“Mine is too,” Sidney reminded him. “I liked staying here with Jeffrey and Dixi the last week.”

“You have locked room in your home. I not ask about but now maybe know it someplace safe?”

Sidney pressed her lips together. “I’m not going to show you.”

“Not asking for that. Is yours. Just think it easier if we there so you have.”

Sidney looked at him, his back to her as he stirred the soup. “Geno, you don’t have to come live with me if you don’t want. I’m okay alone in my house. Mario is right down the street.”

“I want to. Miss being around you all the time like spring.” 

Geno’s shoulders were tense and Sidney realized that she was shaking again. Suddenly the enormity of what she had just said, what Geno had offered her slammed down and she dropped the book on the table with a loud crash. 

Geno _knew_. She had said that she was transsexual to him. And he had kissed her and offered to move in with her and just … _Jesus Christ he knew_. 

“Sidney,” Geno said worriedly, quickly turning off the stove and heading over. He pulled her chair out and basically shoved her head between her knees. “Calm. Breathe slow.”

Sidney gasped in air, not even realizing that she had been hyperventilating. There was spots dancing in front of her eyes and she really, really thought she was just going to pass out right there. 

“You okay,” Geno kept saying soothingly, rubbing her back at the same time. Long, slow sweeps of his hand that she could concentrate on. The spots started to recede and her breathing deepened. “Good girl. Breathe slow.”

And he _called her a girl_. Sidney’s breathing hitched at that, the easy way it came out of Geno’s mouth. Taylor caught herself on pronouns a lot when she talked to Sidney. Only with Pamela had it come easy but she was a therapist. It was her job to remember that Sidney was a woman. 

“Maybe we call Pamela today?” Geno suggested when Sidney finally sat up, her face flushed. 

Geno got up and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge, twisting the lid off before coming back to the table to sit with her. “Drink slow.”

Sidney listened to him, taking small sips of the water. She felt exhausted and worn out, but Geno was right. She probably needed to call Pamela and tell her what happened. She fumbled in her pocket for the phone, pulling it out.

“I call.” Geno took the phone gently and flipped it open, scrolling through her contacts to find Pamela’s number. He made slow circles on the back of her neck with his thumb, staying close but not crowding her. 

“Hello,” Geno said as clearly as possible. “This Dr. Morris office? Want to know if she available now for talk.”

Sidney heard the nurse’s tinny voice say she was with a patient at the moment and did he want to make an appointment. Geno sighed. “Is kind of emergency, but no interrupt session. No risk of harm. Ask to call Sidney when she have break?”

Geno repeated what he said when the nurse asked, slowing down and trying very hard to pronounce everything clearly. Sidney had forgotten how hard it was for Geno on the phone with people who didn’t know him and didn’t hear him talk all the time. 

Geno gave her number to the nurse, “Thank you. We come in if needed but call please.”

The nurse promised to have her call and Geno hung up, looking a little frustrated. “Hate phones.”

Sidney smiled weakly, taking another sip of her water. A headache was starting to form behind her eyes. “I’m tired.”

“We rest until Pamela call. I hold phone. You nap.” 

Sidney nodded in agreement. Geno covered the soup and walked her upstairs to his room, settling her beneath the covers. He grabbed a book from his bag and climbed in next to her, sitting against the headboard with the phone next to him. 

“What are you reading?” asked Sidney sleepily. 

“Is about sexual orientation in male to female transgender person. Is interesting research study,” Geno shifted as Sidney moved her head to rest on his thigh. He ran his fingers through her hair soothingly. “It about a lot more than that too. I can buy in English if you want.”

“Hmm...” Sidney hummed a little, her eyes drifting shut. “Maybe.”

Geno kept touching her softly, his rhythm never changing and it lulled her to a desperately needed nap, a brief escape from what had happened this afternoon.

 

Sidney woke to the sound of Geno talking on the phone, the low rumble soothing and threatening to push her back into sleep. He was talking on her phone though which meant it was probably Pamela. 

“Okay at first. Shaking, laughing. Then calm for bit. Then panic attack.”

Sidney couldn’t hear Pamela, but Geno was nodding, listening intently. “Wait. Slow please. Say again.”

Pamela knew that Geno didn’t speak English natively. She had been telling Pamela about him for months at this point and she knew she said that Geno didn’t understand easily all the time. Pamela must be mad.

“No, I not try to push. I not ask her to tell. Just guide to right books to read.”

Geno fell silent again, looking down at his lap. Sidney opened her eyes and looked up at him. His expression gave her the distinct impression that he was being scolded. 

“She awake. Yes. I very sorry,” Geno said quietly. He pulled away from the phone, covering it with his hand. “Pamela want to talk. Okay now?”

Sidney nodded, sitting up and stretching her arms over her head. Geno didn’t look, his eyes still on his lap. 

“I go out of room. She want private talk.” Geno handed her the phone and hurried out of the room, shutting the door behind him like he was trying to escape.

“What did you say to him?” asked Sidney accusingly.

“Hello Sidney,” Pamela’s voice was calm, like always. “I’m glad you’re awake.”

“Hello Pamela,” Sidney replied, annoyance creeping into her voice. “So what did you say to upset him?”

“I merely told him that he shouldn’t have pushed you into telling him until you were ready. He said he’s been reading a lot of books about transsexuality to try and prepare himself. One of the things he should have remembered is that it’s not about him. It’s about you.”

“I told him I was a woman,” Sidney said softly. “Pamela, he _knows_.”

“And you are comfortable with that?”

“ _Yes_. I’ve told you for months how he’s been helping. I was so scared to say anything and he made it easier for me. Just like always.”

“And showing you the books didn’t upset you?”

“I was nervous at first, but I knew he wouldn’t have read them if he had a problem. I trust him. You know that.”

“I do,” Pamela said gently. “And the panic attack?”

“It kind of hit me that he knew and he was still standing there, stirring soup and talking about transitioning and moving into my house with his animals because my room is there. It was a lot, but not a bad a lot. Just. A lot.” 

Pamela was quiet for a moment. “What about your sexual feelings for him?”

“I kissed him,” Sidney said, smiling at the memory. “When he told me that he read the books to find out how to help me. He did that on his own.”

“Do you think you’re okay for tonight?” asked Pamela. “I can stay late if you think you need to come in but if you’re okay I’d like to have you and Geno come in tomorrow.”

“I am okay,” Sidney said after a long moment. “We’re probably just going to eat the soup we didn’t have for lunch and watch a movie. He’s got training camp starting in a few days so he’s got to get used to being back on our time.”

“Come in tomorrow at eleven. I’ll clear my schedule and we can talk over lunch. And Sidney, if you need anything tonight, call my cell phone,” Pamela said seriously. “And tell Geno that I’m sorry I was upset with him and I’ll explain myself better tomorrow. He didn’t offer up anything about the kissing and moving in with you when we talked.”

Sidney let out a laugh at that. “I’m not surprised. He probably figured you would get mad at him even though I was the one who kissed him.”

“You just told him the biggest secret you have,” Pamela said, her voice taking on a slightly teasing tone. “How was I supposed to know you were going to kiss him in response?”

Sidney kept giggling, flopping onto the pillow. “Maybe because I’ve talked about kissing him for months.”

“Believe me, I haven’t forgotten. Go enjoy your evening and relax. Neither of you should push yourselves into talking more unless you really want to. Soup and a movie sound like a good plan.”

“Yes,” Sidney agreed. “See you tomorrow at eleven.”

Sidney sat in the bed for a minute, looking at the phone in her hands. Talking to Pamela usually helped and this time was no different. Telling Pamela how she felt helped her to settle down. It was just another thing to thank Geno for in the end. If Geno hadn’t taken her to a therapist who listened when she told him what was going on and transferred her to Pamela, things would be completely different.

She definitely wouldn’t be sitting in Geno’s bed right now while Geno waited outside. “Geno? You can come back in now.”

Geno came back in, looking sheepish. “I not listen. Just waited outside.”

Sidney held out her hand to Geno. He came back over and took it, sitting on the bed next to her and looking at her hand. “I need to paint nails.”

Sidney looked as well. The polish she had on was chipped and worn. A few nails had barely any on. “I haven’t done them in a while.”

“I not trying to hurt,” Geno said softly. “When I ask. Pamela mad I showed you books.”

“I know she was,” Sidney said, reaching up to rest her hand on the back of Geno’s neck. “I was planning on telling you. I came close a couple of times before you went back to Russia. I just couldn’t figure out how to say it. When I told Taylor, I wrote a speech. And ended up handing it to her because I couldn’t say anything.”

“What she do?” 

“She read it a few times, hugged me, called me a loser and told me she loved me." Sidney laughed a little. “Then she offered to show me how to put on blush so I didn’t look like a clown. Later though, she told me she was scared and thought I was about to cry when I handed her the card with the speech. That scared her more than what was written on the card. She thought I was going to tell her I was dying. That the reason my concussion symptoms weren’t going away was because something bad was going on and she was going to lose me forever.”

Geno put an arm around her waist and Sidney pretended not to be wiping away tears. “So me telling her that I’m really a woman was amazingly easy since I apparently made my sister think I was dying.”

“I didn’t want to make you think I was dying too,” Sidney said, leaning against him. “Sometimes it might feel like I’m dying, being like this, but I’m not.”

Geno’s arm tightened around her at that. “We do this together now. You, me, Taylor. Not alone anymore.”

**Author's Note:**

> This was re-written about five times before I was satisfied with the ending. Thank you, as always, to dine for being so amazing. She's really the reason so much of this story has been written. 
> 
> The book Geno is reading is [When the Opposite Sex Isn't: Sexual Orientation in Male-to-Female Transgender People](http://www.amazon.com/When-Opposite-Isnt-Male---Female/dp/0789034476/ref=sr_1_35?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1370802275&sr=1-35&keywords=gender+identity+disorder). I have read a bunch of this book using Amazon preview and I wish it wasn't so expensive. Even the kindle version is expensive! I really want to sit down and read this cover to cover.


End file.
